How to teach young children about sexual abuse!!

Image courtesy :Fanpop.com

As a parent we worry day and night about our kid’s safety and wish to protect our children from any hardships and problems in life but the fact is, they have to face the world alone. We cannot be physically present with them everywhere but what can be with them are “the skills and knowledge” that we can help them acquire. 

Sexual abuse is a topic that I always thought I will not have to face for next few years but with the latest incidents unearthing about sexual offences against 3 and 4 yr olds, the worst nightmares of all parents are coming true. 

Hence I thought it was imperative that I talk to my 4 year old about it. Easy said than done... 

After wrecking my brains for few days I realized that I cannot talk to him straight about it. It will have to be indirect but in a simple enough way for his young brain to understand and comprehend. I divided the topic in two parts: 

1) Awareness of private body parts 

A 3-4 yr old is generally aware of his/her different body parts like hands, legs, face, eyes, bum etc etc. But are generally not aware of which body parts are private and should not be touched. I went about it very simply, I told him that these are the 2 parts of body which no one is allowed to touch other than mom and dad and that also only during bath and washroom time....no one else is allowed to touch him there . 

(He is very close to his uncle and often has a bath with him) but I realized that we cannot increase more people on the list, else he will not be able to comprehend the difference between who is allowed and who is not allowed. Hence off goes his uncle and the bum tickle monster, naughty slaps on the bums etc 

The key here is to repeat and ask them to repeat. This is something that he/she at this young age is not capable to understand in its true entirety. And generally I am a big advocate of explaining the logic and reasons to kids when asking them to understand something but this was something that he had to learn by heart (Each bath time I repeat the question diligently...which are the 2 body parts that no one is suppose to touch OR who can touch these parts and who can’t?) 

2) Good touch and bad touch 

Second part of teaching was to make him understand the difference between a friendly touch and a bad touch. If this is not explained properly, either it will not work at all or it can backfire, the kid can become sensitive about even a friendly cheek pull. 

Here it is important to remember that in our society it is very common for even strangers or people we hardly know, to touch and kiss our kids. However I strongly discourage every parent to allow it but it is something which is widely acceptable hence your kid should somewhat be able to understand the difference between a good/friendly touch and a bad touch. 

In order to make it more clear and simple I play a game with my kid with two kinds of stickers’ smiley face and upset face. 

In this game, every time when I do a bad touch he shows an upset face sticker and vice versa. For every correct answer he gets a jelly or whatever we decide earlier. 

Some examples of a bad touch can be a long rub on the back or a pinch anywhere or even a prolonged cheeks pulling followed by a lot of touch......and example of good touch can be a small kiss, a small hug, cheeks pulled for smaller duration etc etc. In essence any touch which is prolonged or any touch which is like a rub qualifies as a bad touch. 

The key is to keep them motivated and attentive enough to play this game often. Again we have to repeat and talk about it again and again for them to remember it. 

It may take some time for the kids to understand and comprehend any of this at all. Mine still doesn't get the good touch bad touch part completely. 

As a parent I urge all other parents to realize the importance of talking about it at an early age (I wish we didn't have to but we need to) and continue talking about it for many more years till they are old enough to clearly understand it (No idea what that age is but I am sure I will know when he is old enough)

India leads with Highest Maternal and First day Infant Deaths

“Giving birth should be your greatest achievement not your greatest fear.” ~ Jane Weideman

Chances that a mother and baby will survive their first day is lowest in India. India has shown impressive economic growth in last few decades but any growth is inadequate if we do not protect the most vulnerable citizen of the country “pregnant women and the newborns”....Read my full post here:

http://bestcurrentaffairsquestions.blogspot.in/2013/05/india-leads-with-highest-maternal-and-first-day-infant-deaths.html

" Their last summer "

Under the red and orange of Gulmohar, like its crown is on fire

Two drops of tear unify with a blind stare

Quickly the flamboyance of red engulfs the white of fear 

Like it could sense the urgency of adolescence blending with desire

The slender green leaves hiding the moments of tender needs

Clasps and holds, chases and misses,

Laughs and tears, teases and kisses,

Virtue and purity, lust and love,

Soft and rough,

Grips and grins, loss and wins

Of their last summer together.... 

The grandeur of the full bloom has bowed down, 

To create a memoir of their love forever, 

Every summer will remember their last summer together!!!

Super Woman- Super Myth!!

Why is Superman a fictional character and Superwoman an urban reality? 

Why do women have to keep all of it together “Manage home, Manage office, Manage kids, Manage husband and Manage relatives and still have a life??? 

If you miss even one from the above list you are not successful and god forbid if u move down the ladder, from doing everything, to doing just a few things. You don’t exist. 

Yes it is right that men don’t have to chose, that men have it all...why?? Because they are married to super woman! 

Well superwoman doesn’t exist..its a myth. Apologies for breaking the bubble but its true. Women who are labelled as superwoman is a breed of overly burdened, overly tired dead women walking around...shouldering all responsibilities. 

No human being can multitask so much and still have a life, ask any “super woman” you know. 

Super woman is a phenomenon created by men. It is a myth that gives all the power to men and all the responsibilities to women. 

Behind every super woman is a lot of heart breaks, marathons, missed birthday partys, missed deadlines, sulky kids and bulky husbands!! 

For some being a superwoman is bestowed upon like a medal because all women they know do it, some do it for the passion of a lot of things, some do it to impress others, some just for the sake of it but I would request all super women to pleaseeee stop, take a break, take a breath, slow down.... 

Sit, have a sip of coffee, have a glass of red...and think of what really is important to you. 

Men are not answerable to anyone for having it all or not having anything, they are not apologetic, and neither should you be. Get out of the guilt trip, drop some items from the superwoman list. 

There is no need to have it all, you can let go. No one is judging you, yes no one is...because anyone who taunts you for leaving career for kids, leaving kids at daycare for office etc etc, is a no one, or should be a no one. 

You have every right to be a normal happy person. You have the right to just sit and not do it all or not do most of it. 

You have the right to be just a normal person!!

Fun and learn (some quick and easy learning game/ideas for kids)

Some more fun games for comprehensive language learning. (Those who are new please read FUN AND LEARN) These games are mostly focused on improving the vocabulary.

Age 4 years and above

Shopping list: We make a family shopping list for our monthly shopping and as a tradition each member writes on the list what he/she wants. My son is allowed 4 items. He writes these on the list on his own.

Menu card: We maintain a menu for each day (Whiteboard hanged in the kitchen). This is maintained by  No.1 our Mom’s cafe manager. He is in-charge of entering the date and specific menu for the day after consultation with the chef. In addition to the meals, any extra chit pits like cheese, biscuits, jelly is available only after writing on the extra cards

What you need: Any note book/Whiteboard/Blackboard and a lot of strength to encourage your child to maintain it on a daily basis.

Keep some small extra cards for the chit pits.

Shopping trip: We highlight one area of a room as a department store, where I keep lots of cards with different items on them (not written, drawn or pictures on one side). After this I handover a shopping list to my kid and a trolley (No.2’s pram) and ask him to read the item, search for it, pick it, put it and pay for it.

Please start with very simple items on the list. Use the words that he already knows and is comfortable with.

After the shopping, encourage him to write the name of the item on the back of the picture card.

I keep laminating all the cards that we make during the games. These can be used again and again for reference and I will keep them for no.2 

Summer Tips for kids!!!

Its summer time ...its vacation time, masti time and its time for sick kids and worried moms. Hence its time to take extra care!!!!!

Here is a list of my 7 summer tips for all worried moms:

1) It’s important for the kids to remain hydrated but its not that simple with kids right? It is correct to assume that kids will not willingly drink as much water as required by the body specially during summers. Some ways to enhance water/liquid consumption are:

a.Summer fruits. .Replace one of the snack break with high water content fruits like Water melom, muskmelon, grapes etc. High in water and kids favourite. Other High water content food includes cucumber, tomato, carrots, beet etc.

b. Cold soups (A lot of easy recipes available with my dear friend google)

c. Frequent water breaks during playtime: Yes moms it is an absolute must. All play times must be interrupted after every 30 min for a water break. ....It can be just a sip of water forced down his throat....and one of the breaks can be a Mama’s special cooling squash.

d.   Icecreams, popsicles, kulfis...yess these help but make sure to NOT serve them directly from the fridge. Some the tricks that I do with Ice-cream  are:

• Let it wait out a few minutes after taking out from the freezer and mix room temperature yoghurt with it, it improves the texture and makes it more creamy
• You can also add cut fruits and fresh cream and whip it a little 
• Make Popsicle from fruit juices (Favorite is Watermelon....I add different colored jellys to it)
• Quick kulfi: Mix milk with any jam, jelly, fresh fruit pulp. Add a little roohafza and freeze it in moulds.

       2) Meals: Normal meals for Indian kids are high in fat and calorie content which is more difficult to digest during summers. Make sure to include easy to digest and light meals like khichdi, curd rice etc specially during lunch . Ghee can be reduced or if possible replaced with light cooking oil. Avoid spices.  Morning milk can be replaced with slightly diluted milkshakes (Preferably without cream).

3) Avoid outdoor plays during afternoons. Afternoon siesta can be followed by some fun and learn activities @ home (Best step out only before 10 am or post 5 pm)

4) Invest in good Sunscreen for kids: Its expensive but important....yes invest in a high SPF content sunscreen for kids. Chose from the options available in market which are designed especially for kids. I highly recommend ChiccoSun spray“. (I bought from firstcry.com)

"A normal special day"

"A special photograph of a normal day"

It is special because it exudes normalcy. A rare moment which will never come back, a moment which will remain etched in my memory forever.

It is one of the last photographs of me and my first born alone (Yess look closely i am there in the background). 

It was from the last few days when we were just us. A normal mother and son “Duo””(This photograph was taken just before we conceived our second baby)

It was a day of his demands, his babyness, his running around the house creating ruckus, a day of non sensical chatter.

The toy that he is holding... reminds me of our endless hours of innocent plays (we kicked it, rode it and yes ultimately killed it).

His bike reminds me how he refused to learn to ride it and it remained his push toy forever.

The T Shirt he is wearing reminds me how easily I could put him in pink then.

His hairstyle reminds me how for hours i would painstakingly turn him into a girl.

His smile reminds me of the innocence and all the naughtiness that was about to come.

Our Duo has now given way to the “Trio”

His demands and tantrums of being the only child have given way to subtlety and understanding of a big brother.

I knew with the third member it will change and may be become more special. But I can’t help but miss our regular duo days.

If I knew the naughty demanding child will so easily slip into a grown up big bro I would have held on to the time more strongly.

I am not complaining but sometimes rather every time I look at this snap it reminds me of the time when it was just him and me.

"I miss that normal special alone day with him" 


PS: BlogwatiG, to answer the question "Why would he'd be a perfect royal baby?"

Well because he is a royalty's son!! Duh!!!

This post is shared with Indblogeshwari’s “That Tuesday thingy Fourth”

Also this post is my entry for the 'One Picture From My Photo Album' contest conducted by My Yatra Diary and CupoNation. 

Forget me but remember me

When you grow up, forget me but remember me

Forget what I packed in ur tiffin but remember the taste of my food

Forget what toys I bought for u but remember how we played for hours

Forget my yells, screams and shouts but remember how I cried when u cried 

Forget my hugs and kisses but remember my touch

Forget how I looked but remember my fingers through your hair

Forget how I said I love u but remember my love for u

Forget our secret little handshake but remember how strongly I held ur hands when u were scared crossing the road

Forget how I waited for the school bus to drop u but remember I am still waiting for u

Forget ur daily life with me but remember how I lived my life through you

Forget how I taught u to use the phone but remember I am still just a phone call away!!!!!!!

What will you be when u grow up my little man?

Will you be the CEO of the biggest company? Or will you be a part of a Symphony?

Will u be the next Chris gales? Or will you be the most annoying banker who runs after sales?

Will you be the guy who forecasts weather? Or will you be a TV news reporter?

Will you be a programming giant...? Or Will you be his most sought after client?

Will you grow up to a six pack? Or will you be the guy who designed our racks?

 Will u be like your favorite uncle next door running after accounts and accountants? Or will you be the guy on the TV running all announcements?

Will you be the next SRK of Bollywood? Or will you be the next rockstar of Hollywood?

Will you be the guy who designed the Sea link? Or will you be the guy who fixes all my laptop chinks?

Will you be a researcher like your mom, insighting human behaviour? Or will you be the next Gandhi..The saviour?

Whatever you grow up to my dear, I hope all your days are filled with love, joy, laughter and strength to face, survive and conquer the world....

What would have happened to Romeo Juliet if they were eventually married???????

Answer is they would become us…fighting over baby diapers, feeds and burps…

Where is the passion, intensity, need to be with each other all the time? Now why do we just want to be alone for sometime…or be with friends and not think of married life, baby and duties for sometime.

Love changes forms, it growss, there are times when you would feel that its almost invisible

Does marriage kills love?

I think no..it kills romance out of love.

Love is still there, infact its more deep rooted than before but it changes forms, it grows from an overt expression to a wink in public, a hug in two days, holding hands before going to sleep or may be having the liberty to just yell at each other when tired, or just being alone for sometime….this all is love

From romantic poems to baby lullabies, from spooning to sleeping unconscious on each side of bed…from talking thousand times at length to just saying hello twice a day…from laughing uncontrollably to smiling at each other on baby’s antics….from wanting to be together all the time to happy with just the thought of you being around….from insecurity of relationship to complete security of togetherness…This all is love!!!!!!!!!!!

My "Top 16 Mommy Qualms"

Here is a list of some awesomely awful things i never expected from being a mom...somehow i was almost as clueless second time around as first:

1. Kids have brains...really , they do.,even infants.....God why??????
2. Somehow they know when i am in the loo....every time...every single time (I think we should potty train moms---really..sync your loo time with Sundays only J..aah and if IPL is on...even that may not work)
3. They can smell clean dress on mommy.....and i know a bulb goes off in the head...tinggg how come mom looks clean!!!!!!
4.  They wait for u to change diapers and bang.....boom....everytime in the fresh diaper....
5. Everything...that someone else’s mom cooks is their favourite....

Eze Pze kidze (things to make @ home)

Bubble:
12 cups of water
1 cup of dish soap
1 cup of cornstarch
2 Tbsp baking powder
....now go out and make some bubbles!!

FUN AND LEARN

My 4 year old primarily speaks Hindi, with some English words thrown here and there. This was a conscious decision taken by us because we wanted him to learn and speak his mother tongue but we were aware that his education will be in another language “English”.

So when he turned around 4 and I could see that he comprehends the difference between both the languages I thought it was the right time to teach to him the language.

But No.1 disagreed..it was not his idea of spending free time with his mum. He wanted to play , fight, paint, dance etc etc.You see, he cannot sit at one place.....has attention span of about 1 minute....and is remotely not interested in anything that his mum wants him to learn.

I call it “the Mommy disorder”.

Well i had the worst case .Everything that he associates with studies...he disassociates with me, mumma for him is for everything else BUT not studies. I wanted him to learn but not by force and pressure ...hence everytime i would teach him something he would run away and say “Oh mumma..stop talking about it pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

So in order to tackle the disorder and make learning interesting for him. I devised a devious “Mummy plan” ...... Games incorporating everything that he likes...running around, painting, hitting, dancing and what i want to make him learn....

I have divided things that he needs to learn in two parts: Daily conversation and comprehensive language learning.

“Let them be” Not or “Let them be”- with Conditions apply

I keep reading and keep getting this advice from a lot of mothers that the best way to grow up a kid is to let him be, to let him learn from his mistakes..

I also believe that its important that he grows up to be an independent and a strong individual. That he knows how to take a decision and accepts its consequences but then where does my role as a parent comes???

I believe you cannot let them be completely. There should be a balance infact the balance has to be tilted towards parental control in the first few years of a child’s life and then maybe later it can be equally divided...till he moves out......:-)

But how to achieve this balance?

The key is to decide basis the age and individuality of child which decisions the child is old enough to take and where you need to step in?

Here's how i have somehow managed to handle the situation where the kid is a strong individual and does things his way but there are a few things which I decide and he needs to follow strictly. I do make it a point to explain to him again and again reasons for things that I ask him to do.

Obviously there are hiccups,situations which end up in tantrums, crys, yells etc etc. But the more seriously i follow the list, the more easy it has become with each day.

Build memories

As a parent it is very important for me that my kids grow up with a bag full of joyful memories.
Stories driven by them, lifes sculpted around them, hours and hours dedicated to them...magical journey called " Growing up!!!!!"
Everyday when they get up they should be filled with hope and anticipation about the day to come. My house should scream of laughs, happiness,noise, dance and music and hence mess and fingerprints all around.
This i want to follow as much as i can and as long as i can. Ofcourse I know this may not work everytime, there will be very good days, good days and not so good days but any day should have some elements of love, magic and laughter to it, doesn't matter how off the day was.

Oh yes i already have had my share of "not soo good" exhausting and tiring days. Both boys falling sick together, both boys and mum falling sick, kids snapping @ each other (hitting not allowed, understood thoroughly by no.1),non stop cuts, bruises, runny noses, bangss, booms etc etc but then comes the "Tadaa moments". Both of them laughing together (mind u no.1 is 4 yrs and no.2 is 10 months), playing together, No.1 scolding me for being rude to his baby (no.2), wet kisses from runny noses, endless hugs out of nowhere,being told again and again how much i am loved...list goes on and on....

Project @ home

Staying @ home-not working after having kids should be the most difficult decision anyone has to take.This blog is how I became "Juz Mom" after working for 7 long years and after a flourishing and fulfilling career.

I was a working mom for the first 2 years of my elder sons life.And then I decided to"Quit".--take a break--a sabbatical -- not work in office for sometime.

What led to the decision were a lot of different factors- largely more personal and selfish reasons than my son.
And I had quit. From that "Quit this job day" to now my life has completely changed.
I started out as a very strong individual. Wanting my space, my freedom, my me time, loving me also along with my son. The break was meant to be for me also. Dont get me wrong I did love my son to death but when the @ home project started the idea was not only to spend time with my kid but also to spend time doing things that i enjoy (alone!!!!!!!!!!)

But down the line- more than 2 years later, Here I am - sitting in a stained night dress, smelling of food, milk, baby powder and Love!!!!!!!

I dont know what happened, when did my "@ home project" became "Juztamom project" But:-

• Am I complaining- "absolutely not"
• Am I Happy- :Blissfully happy and content"
• Do I miss office- "Oh hell yessssssss"
• Do I miss it enough to go back-"Oh hell noooooooooooooo"

My life right now is my kids. I am shamelessly in love with them. Yes there are days when i feel trapped, harrassed, hassled , short of breath and (all other similar adjectives). There are days when I want to run to jungle and take Sanyaas. But you know what i felt same when i was working also. What is different is when i was in office and felt suffocated I never wanted to go back. But now when i feel suffocated...I still want to be in the same space, not by guilt or duty but by sheer love for my kids.