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| Image courtesy :Fanpop.com |
As a parent we worry day and night about our kid’s safety and wish to protect our children from any hardships and problems in life but the fact is, they have to face the world alone. We cannot be physically present with them everywhere but what can be with them are “the skills and knowledge” that we can help them acquire.
Sexual abuse is a topic that I always thought I will not have to face for next few years but with the latest incidents unearthing about sexual offences against 3 and 4 yr olds, the worst nightmares of all parents are coming true.
Hence I thought it was imperative that I talk to my 4 year old about it. Easy said than done...
After wrecking my brains for few days I realized that I cannot talk to him straight about it. It will have to be indirect but in a simple enough way for his young brain to understand and comprehend. I divided the topic in two parts:
1) Awareness of private body parts
A 3-4 yr old is generally aware of his/her different body parts like hands, legs, face, eyes, bum etc etc. But are generally not aware of which body parts are private and should not be touched. I went about it very simply, I told him that these are the 2 parts of body which no one is allowed to touch other than mom and dad and that also only during bath and washroom time....no one else is allowed to touch him there .
(He is very close to his uncle and often has a bath with him) but I realized that we cannot increase more people on the list, else he will not be able to comprehend the difference between who is allowed and who is not allowed. Hence off goes his uncle and the bum tickle monster, naughty slaps on the bums etc
The key here is to repeat and ask them to repeat. This is something that he/she at this young age is not capable to understand in its true entirety. And generally I am a big advocate of explaining the logic and reasons to kids when asking them to understand something but this was something that he had to learn by heart (Each bath time I repeat the question diligently...which are the 2 body parts that no one is suppose to touch OR who can touch these parts and who can’t?)
2) Good touch and bad touch
Second part of teaching was to make him understand the difference between a friendly touch and a bad touch. If this is not explained properly, either it will not work at all or it can backfire, the kid can become sensitive about even a friendly cheek pull.
Here it is important to remember that in our society it is very common for even strangers or people we hardly know, to touch and kiss our kids. However I strongly discourage every parent to allow it but it is something which is widely acceptable hence your kid should somewhat be able to understand the difference between a good/friendly touch and a bad touch.
In order to make it more clear and simple I play a game with my kid with two kinds of stickers’ smiley face and upset face.
In this game, every time when I do a bad touch he shows an upset face sticker and vice versa. For every correct answer he gets a jelly or whatever we decide earlier.
Some examples of a bad touch can be a long rub on the back or a pinch anywhere or even a prolonged cheeks pulling followed by a lot of touch......and example of good touch can be a small kiss, a small hug, cheeks pulled for smaller duration etc etc. In essence any touch which is prolonged or any touch which is like a rub qualifies as a bad touch.
The key is to keep them motivated and attentive enough to play this game often. Again we have to repeat and talk about it again and again for them to remember it.
It may take some time for the kids to understand and comprehend any of this at all. Mine still doesn't get the good touch bad touch part completely.
As a parent I urge all other parents to realize the importance of talking about it at an early age (I wish we didn't have to but we need to) and continue talking about it for many more years till they are old enough to clearly understand it (No idea what that age is but I am sure I will know when he is old enough)
