Do you manage kids?

I was asked recently how do I manage my 4 year old? How do I discipline him? And what is my game plan now that he is growing up? And I didn’t know how to answer. I thought for very long but couldn’t come up with an answer. I really don’t know If I manage him..if I have a strategy, a game plan!

Do you need a strategy or a game plan for your kids? I don’t have one. I don’t manage my kids. I don’t have a ready made plan where they would fit in. Each day is different and I am learning each day.

Though I never thought of it consciously earlier but now I have realised that kids learn from me and you. I really believe if I set in a good example they will follow it. I did lay down rules for some acceptable and unacceptable behaviour but he does not and will not follow it because I will tell him to. (I wish it was that easy). 

There have been times when I had to speak it out, reiterate what is right and wrong. There have been times of time out, of misbehaviours but even then I would want him to understand right and wrong on his own and follow correct behaviour. I do not want him to apologize because I am angry or because I said so. I want him to learn from his mistakes and not repeat the same mistakes. Ofcourse I am there to guide, to support, to spell it out but he has to learn on his own. He has to understand and see the difference between right and wrong.

As adults we also falter, misbehave but it is okay as long as we know the difference between right and wrong. Same goes for kids...they are kids, of course they will make mistakes, misbehave, hurt you, hurt themselves, and hurt others. As I see it, this is not the problem. The problem would be if the child is not conscious on his own that his behaviour was not correct. As parents we can keep reiterating that this is right and this is wrong but a child would learn best from live examples.

 I have recently been questioning myself a lot...Am I conscious that he is watching and learning everything from me? I will be frank I was not;  but now as he is growing up I see him picking a lot of things from me, This has made me self conscious.

There have been days when he has sulked and misbehaved a lot, in retrospect I do realise that there could be things that he picked from me. There were my bad moods that may have spilled over to him. Hence I have learned to behave, to follow more rights and do less wrongs.

No I don’t manage him, rather I don’t know if you can manage kids but I am learning and growing up with him as a parent.

Candid moments with Ar

My elder one Ar is growing really fast and is daily coming up with new antics. I needed a place to journal these candid moments with him, hence I am starting a new section " Candid Moments with Ar"...(which I cross my heart and promise I will use to embarrass him when I am old and I have nothing better to do :D)

A really cute episode from last week

"Ar: Mumma see I made Hulladho car (From lego)

Me: Hulladho?? (thinking hard...really hard!)

Me: Aah its alladin beta not Hulladho (Impressed that he remembered the story after months) A big kiss on the cheeks

Ar: Arey no no tell me name of both uncle and aunty

Me: Aunty..who aunty in Alladin??

Me: Alladin and 40 chor right?

Ar: No that song on TV with “No pants aunty”

"Hulladho ee hai,..fir bepui hai..tere pyar main”(Song from the movie Race: Allah duhai hai..) 

Me: Jaw on the floor!!!!

How to teach young children about sexual abuse!!

Image courtesy :Fanpop.com

As a parent we worry day and night about our kid’s safety and wish to protect our children from any hardships and problems in life but the fact is, they have to face the world alone. We cannot be physically present with them everywhere but what can be with them are “the skills and knowledge” that we can help them acquire. 

Sexual abuse is a topic that I always thought I will not have to face for next few years but with the latest incidents unearthing about sexual offences against 3 and 4 yr olds, the worst nightmares of all parents are coming true. 

Hence I thought it was imperative that I talk to my 4 year old about it. Easy said than done... 

After wrecking my brains for few days I realized that I cannot talk to him straight about it. It will have to be indirect but in a simple enough way for his young brain to understand and comprehend. I divided the topic in two parts: 

1) Awareness of private body parts 

A 3-4 yr old is generally aware of his/her different body parts like hands, legs, face, eyes, bum etc etc. But are generally not aware of which body parts are private and should not be touched. I went about it very simply, I told him that these are the 2 parts of body which no one is allowed to touch other than mom and dad and that also only during bath and washroom time....no one else is allowed to touch him there . 

(He is very close to his uncle and often has a bath with him) but I realized that we cannot increase more people on the list, else he will not be able to comprehend the difference between who is allowed and who is not allowed. Hence off goes his uncle and the bum tickle monster, naughty slaps on the bums etc 

The key here is to repeat and ask them to repeat. This is something that he/she at this young age is not capable to understand in its true entirety. And generally I am a big advocate of explaining the logic and reasons to kids when asking them to understand something but this was something that he had to learn by heart (Each bath time I repeat the question diligently...which are the 2 body parts that no one is suppose to touch OR who can touch these parts and who can’t?) 

2) Good touch and bad touch 

Second part of teaching was to make him understand the difference between a friendly touch and a bad touch. If this is not explained properly, either it will not work at all or it can backfire, the kid can become sensitive about even a friendly cheek pull. 

Here it is important to remember that in our society it is very common for even strangers or people we hardly know, to touch and kiss our kids. However I strongly discourage every parent to allow it but it is something which is widely acceptable hence your kid should somewhat be able to understand the difference between a good/friendly touch and a bad touch. 

In order to make it more clear and simple I play a game with my kid with two kinds of stickers’ smiley face and upset face. 

In this game, every time when I do a bad touch he shows an upset face sticker and vice versa. For every correct answer he gets a jelly or whatever we decide earlier. 

Some examples of a bad touch can be a long rub on the back or a pinch anywhere or even a prolonged cheeks pulling followed by a lot of touch......and example of good touch can be a small kiss, a small hug, cheeks pulled for smaller duration etc etc. In essence any touch which is prolonged or any touch which is like a rub qualifies as a bad touch. 

The key is to keep them motivated and attentive enough to play this game often. Again we have to repeat and talk about it again and again for them to remember it. 

It may take some time for the kids to understand and comprehend any of this at all. Mine still doesn't get the good touch bad touch part completely. 

As a parent I urge all other parents to realize the importance of talking about it at an early age (I wish we didn't have to but we need to) and continue talking about it for many more years till they are old enough to clearly understand it (No idea what that age is but I am sure I will know when he is old enough)

"A normal special day"

"A special photograph of a normal day"

It is special because it exudes normalcy. A rare moment which will never come back, a moment which will remain etched in my memory forever.

It is one of the last photographs of me and my first born alone (Yess look closely i am there in the background). 

It was from the last few days when we were just us. A normal mother and son “Duo””(This photograph was taken just before we conceived our second baby)

It was a day of his demands, his babyness, his running around the house creating ruckus, a day of non sensical chatter.

The toy that he is holding... reminds me of our endless hours of innocent plays (we kicked it, rode it and yes ultimately killed it).

His bike reminds me how he refused to learn to ride it and it remained his push toy forever.

The T Shirt he is wearing reminds me how easily I could put him in pink then.

His hairstyle reminds me how for hours i would painstakingly turn him into a girl.

His smile reminds me of the innocence and all the naughtiness that was about to come.

Our Duo has now given way to the “Trio”

His demands and tantrums of being the only child have given way to subtlety and understanding of a big brother.

I knew with the third member it will change and may be become more special. But I can’t help but miss our regular duo days.

If I knew the naughty demanding child will so easily slip into a grown up big bro I would have held on to the time more strongly.

I am not complaining but sometimes rather every time I look at this snap it reminds me of the time when it was just him and me.

"I miss that normal special alone day with him" 


PS: BlogwatiG, to answer the question "Why would he'd be a perfect royal baby?"

Well because he is a royalty's son!! Duh!!!

This post is shared with Indblogeshwari’s “That Tuesday thingy Fourth”

Also this post is my entry for the 'One Picture From My Photo Album' contest conducted by My Yatra Diary and CupoNation. 

Forget me but remember me

When you grow up, forget me but remember me

Forget what I packed in ur tiffin but remember the taste of my food

Forget what toys I bought for u but remember how we played for hours

Forget my yells, screams and shouts but remember how I cried when u cried 

Forget my hugs and kisses but remember my touch

Forget how I looked but remember my fingers through your hair

Forget how I said I love u but remember my love for u

Forget our secret little handshake but remember how strongly I held ur hands when u were scared crossing the road

Forget how I waited for the school bus to drop u but remember I am still waiting for u

Forget ur daily life with me but remember how I lived my life through you

Forget how I taught u to use the phone but remember I am still just a phone call away!!!!!!!

Eze Pze kidze (things to make @ home)

Bubble:
12 cups of water
1 cup of dish soap
1 cup of cornstarch
2 Tbsp baking powder
....now go out and make some bubbles!!

Build memories

As a parent it is very important for me that my kids grow up with a bag full of joyful memories.
Stories driven by them, lifes sculpted around them, hours and hours dedicated to them...magical journey called " Growing up!!!!!"
Everyday when they get up they should be filled with hope and anticipation about the day to come. My house should scream of laughs, happiness,noise, dance and music and hence mess and fingerprints all around.
This i want to follow as much as i can and as long as i can. Ofcourse I know this may not work everytime, there will be very good days, good days and not so good days but any day should have some elements of love, magic and laughter to it, doesn't matter how off the day was.

Oh yes i already have had my share of "not soo good" exhausting and tiring days. Both boys falling sick together, both boys and mum falling sick, kids snapping @ each other (hitting not allowed, understood thoroughly by no.1),non stop cuts, bruises, runny noses, bangss, booms etc etc but then comes the "Tadaa moments". Both of them laughing together (mind u no.1 is 4 yrs and no.2 is 10 months), playing together, No.1 scolding me for being rude to his baby (no.2), wet kisses from runny noses, endless hugs out of nowhere,being told again and again how much i am loved...list goes on and on....