“Let them be” Not or “Let them be”- with Conditions apply

I keep reading and keep getting this advice from a lot of mothers that the best way to grow up a kid is to let him be, to let him learn from his mistakes..

I also believe that its important that he grows up to be an independent and a strong individual. That he knows how to take a decision and accepts its consequences but then where does my role as a parent comes???

I believe you cannot let them be completely. There should be a balance infact the balance has to be tilted towards parental control in the first few years of a child’s life and then maybe later it can be equally divided...till he moves out......:-)

But how to achieve this balance?

The key is to decide basis the age and individuality of child which decisions the child is old enough to take and where you need to step in?

Here's how i have somehow managed to handle the situation where the kid is a strong individual and does things his way but there are a few things which I decide and he needs to follow strictly. I do make it a point to explain to him again and again reasons for things that I ask him to do.

Obviously there are hiccups,situations which end up in tantrums, crys, yells etc etc. But the more seriously i follow the list, the more easy it has become with each day.

Here is a list of things that he decides (The list is endless....its just a few that i am naming now). Also please note a lot of things works with my kid because of his specific likes and dislikes and personality:

·        When to get up?

·        What to eat at breakfast? (out of a list of things that are available from Mom’s kitchen)

·        What to wear?

·        What to play?

·        How much to play? (Since its summerholidays....i completely let him be, he can play as much as he want after having breakfast..till lunch time)

·        What to eat for lunch from the available options? (I make it a point to give him atleast 3 options to chose from and the same is discussed at morning, so whatever he decides then, he has to eat during lunch)

·        Afternoon nap- whether or not?

·        Evening snacks: He decides but i do tell him in advance if i know something cannot be made at home. But I try and make everything for him at home, whatever he likes. Obviously you incorporate health benefits into it.

·        What to eat for dinner from the available options? (I make it a point to give him atleast 3 options to chose from and the same is discussed at evening)

·        What to wear?

Now the decisions where I come in picture:

·        Options available to eat during breaskfast,lunch and dinner: Things that he likes with a mix of things that i want him to eat.

           o  Yes i do hide healthy veggies in his food sometimes BUT mostly i tell him what he is eating and how it will benefit him.(Obviously i break it down and talk to him in his language....). And i have been strict about it hence now he has good eating habbits, infact if i don’t make veggies, he will make it a point to remind me about it.

·        When to have lunch? (He knows he has to eat by 2pm.)

·        When to have dinner?

·        When to sleep at night? (Very strict about his night routine as a result of which he sleeps daily by 8:30 pm, its a part of his bio clock now..he sleeps on his own, i don’t have to tell him to do it)

·        Clean the room before going out to play.(I follow it strictly and it is 100% success)

·        Apart from this obviously there is a long mommy list of good and bad behavior generally like you cant hit your baby brother, u have to share toys, cannot use bad/foul language blah blah blah....

I would like to add that inspite of all these rules my son is a very happy, non stop chatty, hyper active,spirited and naughty 4 year old boy who is very well behaved, eats his food properly, sleeps on time, laughs uncontrollably, crys uncontrollably etc etc.

All these rules and this list ONLY  works because mostly we work as a team and I talk to him and explain to him why all the rules are there. There are a lot of things on that list that I have explained again and again and he still doesn't understand them but does it because I say so OR because that's the part of the deal. He knows he will not win every time.

By simplifying his role and my role, our life has become way easier and results in lot less drama.

Reiterating that each child is an individual and many things that may have worked with my kid may not work with others but as a parent it is our job to think of creative ways of managing our kids...trust me it is possible and just round the corner. Look thoroughly and you will find it, all the best!!!