Showing posts with label Ramblings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ramblings. Show all posts

Wednesday, 6 August 2014

Dear Sis

Dear Sis,

I picked a pen to write something to you
I opened my notebook to say something to you
But I failed miserably
How do I talk sense?
How do I be sensible?
When it comes to you

I am the silly,
You are the grounded
I am the hyper
You are the ground
You are my child,
You are my mom
I am the tide
You are my calm
I have wings
And you taught me how to fly

wouldn't have lived
As much as I do
If it was not for you
wouldn't have loved
As much as I do
If it was not for you

wouldn't have survived
wouldn't have thrived
If it was not for you

I am what I am
Because you are what you are

I don’t know how to write a letter to you
I don’t know how to tell anything to you
Because you always know
I don’t have to write
I don’t have to say


I am participating in the 30 Days Letter Challenge where you write one letter each day. The 4th in the list is a letter to ‘Your siblings’

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Dear Ma

Dear Ma,

I am writing this letter to you, to tell you that I am free, finally. It took me decades to reach here but I did.

Just to clarify, I have no complaints (big) from you as a mother. You did your best; you had limited resources, no support and I understand that. You literally raised us single handily. But growing up I do not remember a time when I was not aware of your physical limitations. Initial few years of my life, I detested the handicap. I wanted my life to be normal like others but it wasn't. I don’t know when I started owning the handicap. I don’t remember when your physical limitation became my mental block and I started living in my limited world. I never thought I had a life. Your life was my life and your story was my story. I decided to live your story and your pains. All my losses were a reflection of my failure as a daughter and all my victories were just stepping stones for a better life for you.

I don’t know when my life became an apology for your life.

Only thing I remember is not enjoying anything; always working ten times harder than anyone else around me. Only thing in my mind was to make your life better somehow. It may sound strange that a child was working hard for her parent’s future but that was my reality. A reality I never questioned.

I don’t think it was your fault. I don’t think you even realised what I was doing. I don’t think you wanted it like that but I was like that for years and you never did anything about it.

I still remember the day, when for the first time I enjoyed just being on my own and laughing out loud. And I also remember the wave of guilt that came over me in the next few seconds. I ran home and sat next you crying for hours, feeling like I have committed a crime. That incident made sure I remain in my shell for many more years to come.

It took me years to realise that it is okay to be just happy, for no reason, just because you don’t want to be unhappy. I still remember when it happened. It just happened. I was just too happy and my heart refused to be sad. The laughter started from somewhere deep in my gut. I could feel it rising and travelling through my veins, bursting through my pores, reaching my heart and finally releasing me from my prison of thoughts.

I never went back to my old self. It took me years but I gradually found my own path, which of course was inter connected with yours but it was not the same. It was my path. It was my story. It was my life.

It was liberating, to just live. I didn’t know life like this earlier. May be that’s why I live each and every second of my life now. I have so much to do, so many years to make up to, so many emotions still to feel and live. Every second matters. I laugh and cry like there is no tomorrow. I am free, just like you are. You will always have me. But I will not live your life.

I am me, no more an apology of you, just me and being me is great!

I am participating in the 30 Days Letter Challenge where you write one letter each day. The 3rd in the list is a letter to ‘Your Parents’

Sunday, 11 May 2014


She could feel the black, the cracks and the pores on her skin through which the smoke was coming out. She could smell the fire that was engulfing her whole being, inch by inch, part by part. She could hear the laughter coming from the other room; the laughs were filling her soul and were coming out as her muffled screams. She closed her eyes as her whole life ran in front of her, from her loving childhood, to her marriage, to her monstrous husband and in-laws and a tear fell through her eye, just one tear drop as she spoke her last words.
“Mom, why did you send me back?”

File:Bonfire Flames.JPG

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.


Thursday, 27 March 2014

Being Me

"Being me is being crazy in love with life"

"Tiny steps
Little dreams
Being me
Is being a teen

Kodak moments
Shouts and hurrays
Being me
Is being lost in a holiday

Written for "Being ME-the HERstory montage" hosted by Indiblogeshwari. To know more and participate click here

Sunday, 2 March 2014

Musings Of A Not So Confused Gal

What if you have a place which is full of all your favorite things in life?
What if in one plate you could find every food you like? Every taste you love?
What if before consuming it you had no idea how good it could be and then you get addicted?
What if a routine day turns into something extraordinary just by a few lines?
What if a few lines written by someone else becomes your expressions?
What if you could feel the pain of a stranger only by a peep in her world?
What if you could laugh with someone only by a glance at her joy?
What if someone opens a new world to you just by writing a few lines?

All this and many more is what I have found in the blog that I am sharing with you today. The blogger is a good friend, I love her work and I couldn’t think of any other blog to talk about but her’s.
Here’s introducing the musings of a not so confused gal “Pankti Mehta and her blog

Pankti has a way with words. Words in her world flow magically. You never know when you leave your world and become a part of hers. You don’t feel the journey, you just see the destination. You live her stories.

Mind you some of her stories would break your heart in a thousand pieces. I have cried with her characters. There is a dark side to her as a writer that appeals to me the most. She is a brilliant story teller. Her stories are full of charisma, allure, love, pain and hope.

Let me tell you about the story that I like the most from her work. It is story from a different land “Industrious Land”. Story of Lali a girl from Industrious land and Himank a prince of snooze land. This story will transport you into a different time. I felt a part of it though it is strangely impossible to relate to it, yet the emotions are weaved in such that you won’t notice the strangeness of things. That is what the writer does. She convinces you of something that you could never imagine or dream of.
You can read the full story here.

 Next I would like to share something else that I love from her work. From the story of a strange land to the story of Simmi and Arpit which she is presenting as a series. It is called "For you". I have read few parts of the story and I loved the simplicity of it. Again I ended being a part of the story and could feel Simmi’s confusion and pain. When she was attracted to Arpit, I felt the attraction. When her heart broke, so did mine. I am hoping Simmi finds her solace in the story.
You can read it here.

I earlier spoke about connecting with the dark side of her. Let me share with you few words from a beautiful poem written by her. This is a poem I absolutely love. So much that I remember it by heart.

I am broken but alive,
Living and breathing,
Not cold and dead.
I may be beaten, but still I will fight,
I may yield but still I will stand straight,

I may get hurt but still I will hold my head high.
To defeat me, you will have to kill me,
Until then, I am broken but alive.
Living and breathing.

I leave you munching on these lines and I hope, rather I am sure there is something in her writing that will connect with you. And I am sure you will love her work as much as I do.

And last but not least I am really proud to share with you that Pankti is going to be a published author soon. Her most celebrated work will be soon available in the form of a novella. Something that I am looking forward to quite eagerly.

I am taking part in the Write tribe Festival of Words and this post is linked to Day 2 Blog Love. To participate or to know more about it please visit here

Saturday, 1 March 2014


Hidden behind the wall I see a shadow of a man, a man I supposedly love. His hands are around her waist; almost embracing her whole body, caressing slowly, his mouth is hungrily feeding on her mouth with a hunger that I have never experienced with him. My husband of 6 years who once said he would die but touch any other woman, who rarely touched me anymore, is ravishing someone else and then suddenly they turn and I see her face. 

Tears roll down my cheeks and I yell in disbelief as I see my best friend, my life support in my husband’s arms. True to his word my husband has not touched any other woman; he is with "V", my friend, my best friend, my guy friend Vikas!

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.
Image credit here

Thursday, 3 October 2013

Children are not trophies

Being a parent I am a part of lot of official and unofficial parents' groups, I interact with a lot of other parents and with each interaction and with each parent, I see the race increasing, the need to prove that their child is better than your child. I am not generalizing here I have seen this enough number of times to call this a phenomenon amongst parents.

Children are brought forward and their each and every..even trivial accomplishments spoken about in high pitched voices in almost all parents’ gathering I attend these days. What happens when this happens?

Or you can ask what is wrong if this happens? If the child has accomplished something then why not blow your own trumpet in front of the world? I say...There is nothing wrong in doing this sometimes. I also do it and I ask every parent to please go ahead and praise your kids for their achievements which are important. But if you do it for every small thing, please pause and ask few pertinent questions.

What are you celebrating..your child's accomplishments or your child's accomplishments as compared to other children?

If the answer to above question is are not comparing your child with anyone else but you like to talk about everything he/she excels in, think again.

A simple poem written for the first time or the first sentence framed on their own will also be achievements. But what if they do it after most of their friends have done it? What if he/she is the last person in the class to grasp a new concept? Will you still celebrate these achievements?? If yes..please go ahead and do it for things which you think are important. Not every line drawn, not every word spoken is a milestone to be shared with the world, right?

If you celebrate each and every small thing your child achieves, don't you think this will put a lot of pressure on your child? He/She would be under immense pressure to perform and to excel/succeed in everything. It creates a ripple effect. The more you will talk about their small/little accomplishments, the more you will expect them to succeed in everything. The more you will expect from them, the more pressure will be there on them.

Once you start shouting out loud and displaying them as increases pressure on them and on you because now they are expected to perform everytime. They are expected to not fail every time. Parents become a part of this trap, it becomes a cycle which is difficult to break and kids become a mere prey in the game, a mere trophy to showcase.

If we continue doing this every time for every little success what will happen when they don’t succeed?

File:Cute boy face with butterfly.jpg

How will we feel when every other parent is talking about how well their child is doing in maths in their class and we know our child is lagging behind. If you are a parent who is use to of displaying your child like a trophy, you will put unnecessary pressure on your child to perform. The motive will not be to make him learn and understand the concept, the motive will be to make him win, make him come first in this ongoing race. And if you are a child of such parent what will be your frame of mind. You would be terrified of failures, you would be petrified to face your parents for every missed question and every wrong answer.

Yes we should be proud of their accomplishments, yes we should motivate them, encourage them but do we need to do it for everything and do it every time we see other parents? Are we trying to prove that our children are better than other children everytime? What is the need? Really?? Why?? Why do we care?

Shouldn’t we also tell them that it is okay to fail and fall sometimes? Infact they should fail so that they learn how to stand up and succeed through failure.

As a parent I am also tempted so many times. I know my child is doing well and there are times I do talk about the things he is doing well but I don’t want him to think he is better than other children in everything. Because he is not. So I don’t do it every time. I do it for things that I know are important for him, things that are really big to be spoken of atleast once.

When he does lags behind I do feel a little off, get a little upset but I move on and focus  on him learning the concept, even if he is doing it last in the class. Why am I okay with it? Because I have not created unrealistic expectations around my children.. I do talk about their accomplishments but I prioritize. I define. I keep it under certain boundaries. I also accept it is not easy, we love our kids and it is so nice to talk about their accomplishments, to praise them, to see others praise them but what came as an eye opener for me, was a look at such kids who were under a lot of pressure, who were trying to outdo other kids, who were competing not only with other kids but also with themselves, trying to outdo one achievement after the other. A look at their face every time they do not succeed, every time they fail will break your heart.

I will try my best to keep my children away from the rat race. I don't know how long I will be successful in it but I will try. They are not trophies, medals to display...they are my children, my champs and like me they excel in few things and they are not good in others. I am completely okay with it. 

It is their life, their accomplishments, we are a part of it. Their life is not about me but about them.

They have to be prepared for failures, hurts and tears. And we have to be there everytime when they fall. No we cannot fall when they fall, we can’t rest when they rest. It is not about us when we are with them. It is about them. We cannot make it about us, it will never be.

Children are not trophies or medals, they are not our property to be displayed.

Image credit here

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Wine, Women and Wonderland

Me to Ar: I am going out. You and Ay will be with dada. Okay na?
Ar: Okay but come back in 3-4 days please.
Me [Shocked]: 3-4 Days???? You will be okay if I leave you for 3-4 days with Dadda?
Ar [Very Casual]: Yes, Dadda also goes for 3-4 days all the time na, like that only you are going na?
Me [Sigh..relieved but sad]: I may next time but today I will be back in 3-4 hours.
Ar: Okay bye [Runs off]

I leave the house alone [Without Ar] almost after 2 years. I have left the younger one [Ay] alone a lot of times with his dad but Ar is always with me. So while leaving I waited to feel sad, to miss him etc but as soon as I left home..I felt liberated. No sadness, no heavy heart infact I felt extremely happy, relieved and free.

I had left home for a bloggers meet at a spa and saloon with expectations of some fun and some good pampering. The afternoon that followed didn’t disappoint the free me , it was a blend of a wonderful set of feisty women, tons of laughter and blissful/heavenly pampering at a wonderful place JCB [Bandra].

As usual I reached before time [But only few minutes before, my record of reaching an hour before the time remains intact J ]. After looking around for a few minutes I was greeted by wonderful and charming Amena from Fashionopolis our event organiser. After a chat of few minutes, I went head on..rather feet on for some pampering. The pedicure was awesome. I was in seventh heaven.

The place and staff looked warm and welcoming. I loved the ambiance and the interiors. Products were arranged with utmost care, style and class.

For me personally when I visit a salon I would want their staff to be well informed about their products and services but yet would want them to give me space to enjoy the pampering. JCB was spot on. The staff was not intrusive but friendly enough and they knew what they were doing.

Slowly and gradually other bloggers started trickling in. A quick round of introductions and soon enough all of them were enjoying the pampering. 

Janaki enjoying a glass of red with her manicure

Kajal looking blissful 

Vinita and Piya enjoying their head massage

The glasses of red and Champagne added to the magic. And before my stomach could grumble after few glasses sumptuous array of finger food arrived.

The conversations, laughters, gossips, food and wine went on for eternity [Atleast it seemed so; to my drunk to death brains]. But soon came the time to say good bye, again not before some goodies from JCB. What can I say we were pampered like queens.

I left the place with a bagful of goodies, phone full of new friends, mind full of bliss and a brain buzzing with wine, women and wonderland.

Photo credit Twinkle Dalal

Friday, 6 September 2013

7 Things My Better Half Taught Me

Being in a relationship [Married or not married] is a lot of hard work? Yes and No.
I initially thought I would not write a post about my better half, too personal..too private..too many emotions and may be words may not be enough to describe what I feel about him, what I have learned from him but if I don’t write about it I would miss writing on one of the biggest lessons of my growing up, of my life, of who I am. Hence I am going to give it a try, though I will try and not make it too emotional or sappy.

Before I write about him, let me share a few details about him and how we met. We have been together for almost 12 years now. We met through some common friends and as they say sparks flew [May be sparks didn’t fly...I just like to say that J ]

I think I literally grew up with him because the most have changed, I have adopted, I have grown up, I have progressed, I have seen the in last 12 years. When we met I was in my early 20s and he was in his late 20s [Okay Okay may be not..he is 3 years he was bang in the middle of 20ss you can say] but we were as naive as school children. Never been out of the house, never lived on our own. We came out of our shells together, we learned together; in process we taught each other a lot.

I am glad where we are today. He is a good friend, may be not my best friend because I don’t want him to be. I like not sharing everything with him and vice versa.

I have tried to summarise a few things I believe being with him has taught me:

1) Love thy neighbour: No not literally but he is very sociable , talks a lot, mingles a lot so as his better half I also have to. Though I am more sociable now but I was very moody initially and would talk when I would want to talk but since he talks always....with everyone, I have learnt to atleast be polite, smile, nod and sometimes be a more vocal part of the discussions.

2) Patience: He is the epitome of patience and I am opposite. He is one of those guys who would never honk when stuck in a traffic jam even though the passenger seat lady is fuming and verbally cursing everyone in their wayJ. But it rubs off and I am glad I picked up patience from him before he could pick up being impatient from me.

3) Smile: We are a smiley family and he and my son lead it. He smiles a lot, laughs a lot and I accept I frown a lot rather I use to. But more or less I have become like them. We always smile..ear to ear..big flashy smiles

4) Dirty is not uncool: I still can’t say dirty is cool because in all fairness it is not cool but I have learnt from him that sometimes just sitting and having chai is also okay, even when you can see a huge mess around you. You can ignore unclean sometimes and that is cool [But unclean is not cool!! Period!!]

5) Say no: He doesn’t say no to anything, to anyone. And because he doesn’t I have learnt to do it. And now I am not even hesitant to say it...I say no when I can’t do it. Simple.

6) Earn respect: Well he doesn’t respect anyone basis their age, caste, creed, gender, color etc etc. This use to annoy me initially because we are taught to always always give respect to elders, certain gender, certain animals etc even when the other person or animal doesn’t behave in a civilized way but my better half has a simple logic, you got to earn respect. Don’t do anything disrespectful I will not disrespect you. This simple logic has really simplified my thinking and my life

7) Cricket: I hate cricket..hate it. Infact hate is a very small word. If I could I would kill cricket. Like any other Indian I use to like it a lot before I met my husband. He is fascinated by the game..we have watched every cricket game possibly played on earth. From college to county, national to international, blind cricket, women’s world cup...we have watched everything and he still watches everything. I don’t. I just can’t. In our home love and hate for cricket co-exist happily.

These were some of the things I learnt from my better half. What about you? Anything you would like to share with me about your someone special?

Thursday, 5 September 2013

7 Things My Friends Taught Me

Like anyone else I have a long list of friends, some real, some virtual, some I rarely talk to and to some I bare all when I talk to. There are some I have lost touch with through time but I really loved them, there are some who are in touch but are annoying. And then there are some....who are still there...after everything I did....after everything I didn’t do. They are still there and I am sure they will always be there for me. Ofcourse this happens rare and I have few such friends. But I am lucky enough to have them. This post is dedicated to all such friends...and a special mention of someone very bestest friend. [You know I am talking about you and I hope you read this]

A list of few things that my closest friends taught me:

1) Stay positive: I think a lot and have been through difficult times in past. And I have a habit of living in those moments but I am thankful to those special people in my life who are there to infuse positivity in my life. Who again and again remind me of all the things that are beautiful and all the things that are right.

2) Give and take: Yes...I tend to get selfless, have a blind spot for people I truly love and ignore my own life. There have been a lot who have used this trait in me and have never come back but there are few who taught me to ask, demand, and grab love for myself. Nothing wrong in that. Nothing wrong in being selfish sometimes. With time I have learnt that the most satisfying and content relationship would always be based on give and take.

3) Slow down/Take a break: My sabbatical is partly courtesy of a close friend who inspite of no social/family responsibility took a break from her job. She had guts and she went after something that she wanted from her life. When I was taking the plunge her life stood in front of me and gave me courage to do it

4) Get out: I am a frog in a well. I like being in a pajama and not going out. Really I do. But I do get out and I do that religiously. Again this is courtesy of a special friend who pushed me out of my slumber and who still does it when she sees me lazing around.

5) Take it easy: I have learnt to not overthink and worry about everything. Worrying is inbuilt in me, I am one of those people who always worry, always think and are always prepared for worst but thanks to a lot of friends I have learnt to let go, take it easy...worry a little less [May be still worry a lot but know how to curb it down]

6) Answer my phone: I don’t like doing that still in all fairness. I don’t like being reachable all the time but I know now there are people who would also worry for me and not everything or every phone call is about me. So I try and answer calls as many times as I can [Though I still don’t do it everytime but I have improved a lot]

7) Chat: Last but not the least. I am thankful to all those who taught me to chat on internet. I am glad I explored it though I initially hated it. Hence a special thanks to a special friend. She pushed me into internet world and I am yet to come out of it.

These were a few things my friends taught me. What about you? Who is your best friend? What have you learned from him/her?

Wednesday, 4 September 2013

7 Things That My Job Taught Me

I worked as a consumer researcher for 8 years before retiring 2 years back. These 8 years taught me a lot of things. I will shamelessly confess that they liberated me and my thought process a lot; may be more because I had never seen any other female work in my family before. I learned a lot from my job and from my professional life.  Following are my eight years encapsulated in few points:

1) Planning: I am a big big planner. I plan everything in advance and mostly this trait comes in handy even in my daily life [There are times when it harasses people around me also] . The credit for imbibing this in me goes to my profession. As a researcher there are atleast 1000 things at any point of time on your plate and you have to juggle all of them. There is a strict time schedule, so if you don’t plan, you can’t finish in time. I will always be thankful to research for all the excel sheets I have at home dedicated to planning different activities.

2) Punctuality: I was always punctual though I never paid too much importance to it. But soon after I started working I realised ; a lot of people’s schedule would depend on my schedule and hence it became a very important that I am on time and vice versa. I still follow it personally [Though my other half is not very happy with this trait J ]

3) Streamlining my thought process: I tend to get vague even now. I have a free mind and it keeps wondering and going off track quite a lot. But when you are working for others; you can’t afford that; so I learned to concentrate better. My mind still wanders a lot and I can somewhat afford to do it now however my concentration and focus is much better as compared to before.

4) Microsoft: I was scared of computers and its programs. Only thing I knew well was to play games. Now I am an expert in excel and power point, you name it, I know it. Even now I use them extensively and I am thankful to my job for it. [I was and I am still wary of MS Word. I just don’t get it]

5) Delegation: I was and I am a keen worker. You can even call me a labourer. I like working and I would rather work myself than spend time explaining others to do it. But again I learnt we cannot do everything on our own, delegating was an important part of my job and it is helping me even now. Else I would have ended up doing everything on my own.

6) Analytics: Analysis is a very important part of being a consumer researcher. It sharpened my analytical bent of mind and I still tend to analyse things more than others.

7) Negotiation skills: Again a very important part of my job and now I am not ashamed to say that I look at every price with a doubt and question it.This saves a lot of chillar for me 

These were a few things that my job taught me. What about you? Where do you work? What did you learn from your job?

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

7 Things Mumbai taught me

When I stepped in this magical and glamorous city called Mumbai I was a naive small town girl chasing after her dreams of a bright future. I landed here with my bags and dreams. Like many other I struggled through a lot of things, more than that I was scandalized with the change in culture, I would literally stand on road wide eyed and gape at people. But thankfully professionally my struggle ended quite quickly and gradually I learned to look beyond the veils of lights and glamour. Almost 10 years here and I can proudly say I am a Mumbaikar by heart now. This is my home and I owe it a lot. It did change me but I would like to believe, it changed me for better and taught me things that I still carry with me.

Below is a list of few things that I learnt in Mumbai. Some are quite obvious and some are quite unique, part of an experience that only Mumbai can give you.

1) Spirit of Mumbai: I am a part of this spirit. I walk, work and progress. I have learnt to never break down, never give up even in the face of the most difficult situation always carry on. Always move forward, always progress. I swam through floods, have hung on local trains, have traveled through riots and shoot outs and have survived, worked and progressed. It was not easy, there were times when I was ready to give up like after the bomb blasts [I was trapped in a riot and I survived by begging with folded hands to let me go] I saw people going back to work the next day and I really felt that they were heartless running after their careers and money. When I shared this sentiment with some of them, they told me that if you stay at home, you are giving more power to terrorists; you are telling them we are hurt and unable to move on. Ofcourse we are hurt but each hurt, each attack, each dent gives us more strength, makes us more powerful, makes us realise the value of life and how much we love the city. Isn’t it true? Yes it is. If we continue to live in the moment of our sorrow, we give more power to the person who has hurt us. Giving up and breaking down is more easy but moving on is more difficult and I learnt to do the more difficult thing.

2) No personal space: If you live here you know what I am talking about. Everyone is at everyone’s face. There is no personal space; every free space is free for everyone. Like a true Mumbaikar I have picked up the trait inspite of being claustrophobic I don't mind sitting within centimeters of a complete stranger.

3) Privacy: There is no personal space but there is enough privacy. Even if you are sharing the same sq.meter space; the other person gives a dam about your personal life. You can easily go on about your personal life, fight, cry, one will interfere.

4) Lend a hand: If you ask, everyone is willing to lend a hand. They may not have the warmest face but they do have their hearts at the correct place. But you need to ask.

5) Never say no: Really no one says no here. If you ask for help especially directions people will always help, even if they don’t know. They will never say no. And neither do I but I try and not lead them to incorrect information.

6) Measure distance in time and not in Kms: We talk time and we walk time. Distance is never measured in kilometres. It is always measured in how much time you will take to reach a place. So Thane to VT is not 60-70 kms, it is about hour and a half.

7) Walk: We walk a lot. Most of us do and we walk fast. Walking is like second nature. Anyone who uses public transport here would easily walk around 4-5 kms daily and would walk fast. Sometimes it does get to me and I really feel if just for few minutes all of them could stop, and breath.

These were some of the things that Mumbai taught me. What about you..where do you live? What has your city taught you?