Breastfeeding (Tips and learnings from my journey)

Breastfeeding can be the most heart melting and heart breaking experience for any mother. There are so many questions, so many may be and so many prying eyes. This can be especially tough for a new mother.

On the occasion of World breastfeeding week; I want to share my journey and learnings from my journey with a hope that it may help or encourage breast feeding.

I had a wonderful first experience, the baby latched on, there was enough flow and he maintained a clockwise schedule of feeding on his own but inspite of this my second experience was very difficult. My second baby, as they say, was a very very lazy baby. He refused to latch, would sleep in few seconds, would be hungry all the time and would cry invariably all the time because of the hunger.

When I look back now I realise how different both my babies were and how I tried to implement what I had learned the first time forcibly on my second baby. Ofcourse it didn’t work, nothing I knew worked. I finally went to a lactation consultant whose advice did help. She gave me a lot of tips which worked.  I am summarizing a few which I think would have helped me in any situation:

1) Relax: Yes this is the first thing she told me. I was hyper, worried and really unsettled and unconsciously I was passing on these to my baby. Babies are an extension of you, they very quickly get your mood. Because I was so hassled, it reflected on the baby also. Remember you and baby both are new into this and one or both sides may take time to learn.

2) Breastfeeding positions: There are a lot of breastfeeding positions which are correct. Not everyone may know about it. Make sure to talk to an expert/lactation consultant/Any doctor about it. With trial and error figure out what works for you and your baby the best. The most normal position is a cradle hold, the baby turned towards you resting on your arms. This worked like charm for me the first time but it didn’t the second time. Second time I kept varying positions because the baby was never comfortable. Changing positions worked with him to an extent.

3) DO NOT maintain a schedule: The feeding should be driven by baby’s hunger and not by a clockwise schedule. Feed when the baby is hungry. Feed when the baby asks for it. Don’t restrict it. Especially in the starting, with an infant, they are too young and may not follow a clockwise schedule for feeding and naps. However try and breastfeed them as long as you can every time. If the baby sleeps try and wake him/her up. I was told on an average a new born could take feed for about 40-45 minutes. In addition to this, with time try and learn hunger signs of your baby. Especially in case of newborns, make sure that they are fed every few hours. A gap of not more than 2-4 hours is advisable (depending on the age of the baby). This applies at night also, make sure to feed the baby even when he/she is sleeping.

4) Seek help: If you are having issues please seek help. Don’t be embarrassed and no matter what anyone says you are NOT supposed to know it naturally. It takes time. Seek experienced and preferably medical help without hesitation.

5) Be comfortable: Get enough support; your body would be sore from pregnancy and delivery. Make sure to get enough pillows and cushions to support you while breastfeeding.

6) Drink a lot of fluid: Drink more than you normally do. Especially if you feel uneasy while feeding, drink through the process. It eases pain and nerves both.

7) Maintain a normal and healthy diet.

8) Don’t give up: If it is difficult and it remains difficult, don’t give up. It will get easy with time. Just be patient and don’t give up.

Breastfeeding is a wonderful experience, not only is it medically preferred but it is also a beautiful way to bond with the new born.

One of the other things that worked for me but I have not included in the above list is “Being deaf and blind”. I went deaf to all the contradictory advice coming my way both the times. With time and trial and error I figured out what worked best for me. Also I turned blind. Breastfeeding was a very personal moment for me but not many people around me thought so. I tried, running away, hiding behind doors etc etc but finally went blind, ignored and went ahead with it. You can’t change and control these things.

Also last but not the least please note that breastfeeding is not a judgement of you being a good/bad mother. Even if you are not able to continue it/do it successfully it doesn’t make you any less of a mother.

To read more on breastfeeding and World breastfeeding week please click here 

How shall I sing that majesty?

How shall I sing that majesty?

How great a being you are

With a spirit so freeing

Thy words are the only words I am always agreeing

Thy art of sweeping and cleaning,

Like full moon bright and beaming

Thy wrinkled smile with a teeth gap showing

The red of pan mixing in the yellow like a sun glowing

Thy chitter chatter like a food platter

For my soul and my stature

Thy nose ring, with a red twig

Like a forest on fire, with a burning twinge

Thy soft nature with a loud stature

Thy big spirit and bigger laughter

Like a wild elephant in a small manor

How shall I tell thou, how much I miss thou

Enlighten my life and my house again

Wake me up with your loud booms and bams,

Kitchen is empty, craving thy hands

Sink is flowing and full, waiting for thy chants

The floor is dusty and lonely,

Looking at the broom eagerly,

Broom is tall and pretty,

Waiting to be picked by almighty

My kettle is up and boiling

Fuming hot and shouting

Where art thou, O my love!

For thy thousand reasons to break up with me

Here are my few to make up with me

The house, the dishes, Ms. Broom and the Mrs

Every nook and corner misses

And hope for thy mercy

My majesty

~~~~~Thine devotee~~~~

This post is a tribute to my maid, my help, my lifeline "Rupa tai"who left me for greener pastures few days back. 

Written for Indiblogeshwari That tuesday thingy- The help

Life in a metro

fun, fast and frolic

lost in a whirlwind

life in a Metro

Written for Haiku Height #268 Urban

Image credit here

Eagle

Slow, steady and resolute

My voyage to success

Like an eagle

Written for Carpe diem's #256 Eagle's flight 

Image credit here

Should I apologize for being a Stay At Home Mother?

I am a stay at home mother of 2 boys; just this statement is lending me into so much trouble these days. It is like there is something wrong with me being at home with my kids. Everything that I am saying is being judged with the context of being a stay at home mother...I am doing something grossly wrong; something that would affect my and my family’s future very badly?

Yes that is what I was told!

Funny thing is I decided to stay at home not for my child but for other reasons; some other responsibilities. This decision was taken 2.5 years back but I continue to live with the decision. Yes I have an option of going back to my professional life right now but I don’t want to.

My younger one is 1 year old; when my elder one was one year old I was already in office. Working from 9-10; yes I was putting in that many hours to overcome the gap that my maternity leave of few months had created. But it went on; I continued to work like this. I loved my job. In process I had climbed the stairs of success in my career quite quickly but I had missed my son’s first steps; first words and first almost everything.

This is what I am enjoying right now with my younger one. I am there; there to experience this wonderful stage. And is there any other place I would rather be?

No absolutely not!

But my decision to be a stay at home mother; is it a judgement on working mothers? No ofcourse not!

It is my decision and it is my life. If another mother is working; it is her decision and her life. There will be ten thousand reasons for me to be at home and there would be ten thousand reasons for you to be in office. Not each reason is justified but who am I to judge and question?

I have said it again and again; I believe every mother is a good mother. Situations can be different; people can be different; children can be different but a mother will always be a mother (I am excluding exceptions here).

I really really dislike being judged and commented on for being a stay at home mother. And I dislike when people say it has no merits. Ofcourse it has merits; I have been on both sides and I can say with 100% confidence it has merits.

Please don’t take away the merits by calling them logistics. They are not logistics. These so called logistics can be managed by others; I agree but saying that there is no merit when a mother does them; I disagree.

I am educated, independent and have an open mind and I am sure all the time that my kids are spending with me is helping them and creating a better base for them. I am teaching them things that I know others can also teach but I am their mother and ofcourse I am doing it better than others.

Don’t take away my efforts by calling them worthless. They are not!

Please don’t look down upon me and tell me I have done injustice to myself; my education and my career. Being a stay at home mother doesn’t make me a better mother and similarly being a working mother doesn’t give an upper hand to any one.

A mother is a mother. When did it become Working vs. Stay at home?? And Why?? What is the constant need to prove superiority over the other section?? Is this the only way we know how to rise; by looking down on others?? Is this a way a working mother justifies her decision; but why is there a justification needed? And stay at home mothers; why do we call ourselves “not just a mom”; why should we clarify? What is the need for clarifications?

Yes that is why I am just a mom. I don’t see the need of any other clarification and I don’t see the need of any tags to add to my role. My role is a job definition in itself.

Have you ever heard anyone say “Not just a manager? Or Not just a CA? Or not just a lawyer etc?” No right?

Then why should I define my role any further. I am a mother and if I have any other qualification to share; I may share or I may not but I will not justify my role as a mother.

One of the other things that I have been told again and again since I quit my job is that my kids will never learn to be independent because I am at home. I beg to differ!

I was brought up by a stay at home mother and I am furiously independent since as long as I can remember. My mother taught us the value of hard work and being independent and I am passing on the same values to my children inspite of being at home.

I am independent inspite of being mostly home bound and my 4 year old is independent inspite of me being stay at home. I do not want to brag about him and the things he can do on his own because it is not important. What is important is to understand that same values can be taught by being at home and not being at home also. But the amount of time and effort each will take would be different. And ofcourse being at home makes my journey more colourful and filled with more memories.

At the end of the day I am just a mom.....why should anyone care if I am working or not?

Disclaimer: The above writeup is my personal opinion. It is not targeted to any individual; working or not working. I request everyone to read it in the same context.