I am
a stay at home mother of 2 boys; just this statement is lending me into so much
trouble these days. It is like there is something wrong with me being at home
with my kids. Everything that I am saying is being judged with the context of
being a stay at home mother...I am doing something grossly wrong; something
that would affect my and my family’s future very badly?
Yes
that is what I was told!
Funny
thing is I decided to stay at home not for my child but for other reasons; some
other responsibilities. This decision was taken 2.5 years back but I continue
to live with the decision. Yes I have an option of going back to my professional
life right now but I don’t want to.
My
younger one is 1 year old; when my elder one was one year old I was already in
office. Working from 9-10; yes I was putting in that many hours to overcome the
gap that my maternity leave of few months had created. But it went on; I
continued to work like this. I loved my job. In process I had climbed the
stairs of success in my career quite quickly but I had missed my son’s first
steps; first words and first almost everything.
This
is what I am enjoying right now with my younger one. I am there; there to
experience this wonderful stage. And is there any other place I would rather
be?
No
absolutely not!
But my decision to be a stay at home
mother; is it a judgement on working mothers? No ofcourse not!
It
is my decision and it is my life. If another mother is working; it is her decision
and her life. There will be ten thousand reasons for me to be at home and there
would be ten thousand reasons for you to be in office. Not each reason is
justified but who am I to judge and question?
I
have said it again and again; I believe every mother is a good mother.
Situations can be different; people can be different; children can be different
but a mother will always be a mother (I am excluding exceptions here).
I
really really dislike being judged and commented on for being a stay at home
mother. And I dislike when people say it has no merits. Ofcourse it has merits;
I have been on both sides and I can say with 100% confidence it has merits.
Please
don’t take away the merits by calling them logistics. They are not logistics.
These so called logistics can be managed by others; I agree but saying that
there is no merit when a mother does them; I disagree.
I am
educated, independent and have an open mind and I am sure all the time that my
kids are spending with me is helping them and creating a better base for them.
I am teaching them things that I know others can also teach but I am their
mother and ofcourse I am doing it better than others.
Don’t
take away my efforts by calling them worthless. They are not!
Please
don’t look down upon me and tell me I have done injustice to myself; my
education and my career. Being a stay at home mother doesn’t make me a better
mother and similarly being a working mother doesn’t give an upper hand to any
one.
A
mother is a mother. When did it become Working vs. Stay at home?? And Why??
What is the constant need to prove superiority over the other section?? Is this
the only way we know how to rise; by looking down on others?? Is this a way a
working mother justifies her decision; but why is there a justification needed?
And stay at home mothers; why do we call ourselves “not just a mom”; why should
we clarify? What is the need for clarifications?
Yes
that is why I am just a mom. I don’t see the need of any other clarification
and I don’t see the need of any tags to add to my role. My role is a job
definition in itself.
Have
you ever heard anyone say “Not just a manager? Or Not just a CA? Or not just a
lawyer etc?” No right?
Then
why should I define my role any further. I am a mother and if I have any other
qualification to share; I may share or I may not but I will not justify my role
as a mother.
One
of the other things that I have been told again and again since I quit my job
is that my kids will never learn to be independent because I am at home. I beg
to differ!
I
was brought up by a stay at home mother and I am furiously independent since as
long as I can remember. My mother taught us the value of hard work and being
independent and I am passing on the same values to my children inspite of being
at home.
I am
independent inspite of being mostly home bound and my 4 year old is independent
inspite of me being stay at home. I do not want to brag about him and the
things he can do on his own because it is not important. What is important is
to understand that same values can be taught by being at home and not being at
home also. But the amount of time and effort each will take would be different.
And ofcourse being at home makes my journey more colourful and filled with more
memories.
At
the end of the day I am just a mom.....why should anyone care if I am working
or not?
Disclaimer: The above writeup is my personal opinion. It is not targeted to any individual; working or not working. I request everyone to read it in the same context.
