Friday 8 August 2014

Dear Old Man

Dear Old Man,

Torn faded clothes, full of mud and dust
If I saw you elsewhere, I may have looked away in disgust
But that day I needed you
You were my last hope

For a second I resisted
I didn’t even look at you directly
You did all the talking, and
Didn’t even try to bargain
I was ready with my speech
But I suddenly realised
There is no need
You agreed for the bare minimum

Just then I noticed the smile
Red, white and yellow
But still so honest and warm
Not for a second,
I could look away
Where did the ugliness go?
I didn’t know

Just then I noticed your voice
Oh so mellow and full of wise
The warmth filled my core
And made me glow
I forgot the suffering
And went with the flow

You did your job
Job that needed no talking
Work that needed no personal touch
I extended the money, but
You folded your hands and refused to take it
That second you were richer, than
the richest person on earth

You came forward
Extending your hand towards my head
A gesture to pass on blessings
I nodded with tears in my eyes
I didn’t know why I cried
Only thing I knew was
Just then I was the richest person on earth
Just then I had met my angel

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I was 9 months pregnant and was supposed to travel to my parents’ place. I was heavy and due to various reasons I could barely walk. We reached the station late and at the last moment our train had changed tracks. We were to cross over to the other side of the station, through a foot over bridge but it was impossible for me to do so. The only other way was to cross over through the tracks at the back but the distance was too long for me to walk. We needed a wheel chair. It was late in the night and there was no one around to help us find a wheel chair. Suddenly an old man appeared with a wheel chair who agreed to help us. We discussed the money and he readily agreed to what we offered. I agreed to go with him alone through the other side, since my husband had to carry the entire luggage; we decided he would cross over through the bridge.  It has been almost 6 years but I still remember his face. I was scared of him initially. But within a few seconds he started talking and I was at ease completely. We crossed the track and I didn’t even realise. I said thank you to him and took out the money to give him. Not only did he refuse to take the money but he also extended his hands and with a very gentle voice blessed me. Even before I could say anything, he left. After a few months, my husband went back to the station to look for him. He wanted to pay him his dues. But no one had heard of him or seen him there ever. It was like he never existed. Many may not believe me (like my husband) but I know he was my angel. He was my Govind.

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I am participating in the 30 Days Letter Challenge where you write one letter each day. The 6th in the list is a letter to "A Stranger"

Thursday 7 August 2014

Dear Dreams


Dear Dreams

You have a life of your own
There are multiple me living somewhere
With lovers and alone

Remember the time,
You let me fall, in the deep dark ditch
Naked and broken
My pieces falling and
Talking to each other
Each is a me
Crying and weeping
For everything lost
Everything died

Remember the time
You let me fly
High up over the mountains
Sitting on a feather
Through the most gentle breeze
Singing lullaby
To every passerby
Who were they?
Why were they flying with me?
All pink and blue
All nice and new
Full of life

Remember the time
When you went from flying,to
dying in a split second
Then getting up
And talking to me
Asking me to get up
Telling me it is just a dream

I got up talking to you
Who is one more me
Leaving a dying me behind
Holding your hand
When you pushed me again
In the deep ditch
And I started breaking in pieces
Even before I could reach the dark
Each me trying to get up from the dream
And each me failing
Each me falling

Remember the time
One of us survived
And got up from the dream?
Yes that’s me
I always survive you
Come back, live, and
Test you again

(C) Juztamom

I am participating in the 30 Days Letter Challenge where you write one letter each day. The 5th in the list is a letter to ‘Your dreams’

Wednesday 6 August 2014

War On Children

painted deep red
eyes locked in the future
I barely lived

Juztamom
Image credit here


Dear Sis



-
Dear Sis,

I picked a pen to write something to you
I opened my notebook to say something to you
But I failed miserably
How do I talk sense?
How do I be sensible?
When it comes to you

I am the silly,
You are the grounded
I am the hyper
You are the ground
You are my child,
You are my mom
I am the tide
You are my calm
I have wings
And you taught me how to fly

wouldn't have lived
As much as I do
If it was not for you
wouldn't have loved
As much as I do
If it was not for you

wouldn't have survived
wouldn't have thrived
If it was not for you

I am what I am
Because you are what you are

I don’t know how to write a letter to you
I don’t know how to tell anything to you
Because you always know
I don’t have to write
I don’t have to say

 




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I am participating in the 30 Days Letter Challenge where you write one letter each day. The 4th in the list is a letter to ‘Your siblings’

Tuesday 5 August 2014

Dear Ma

Dear Ma,

I am writing this letter to you, to tell you that I am free, finally. It took me decades to reach here but I did.

Just to clarify, I have no complaints (big) from you as a mother. You did your best; you had limited resources, no support and I understand that. You literally raised us single handily. But growing up I do not remember a time when I was not aware of your physical limitations. Initial few years of my life, I detested the handicap. I wanted my life to be normal like others but it wasn't. I don’t know when I started owning the handicap. I don’t remember when your physical limitation became my mental block and I started living in my limited world. I never thought I had a life. Your life was my life and your story was my story. I decided to live your story and your pains. All my losses were a reflection of my failure as a daughter and all my victories were just stepping stones for a better life for you.

I don’t know when my life became an apology for your life.

Only thing I remember is not enjoying anything; always working ten times harder than anyone else around me. Only thing in my mind was to make your life better somehow. It may sound strange that a child was working hard for her parent’s future but that was my reality. A reality I never questioned.

I don’t think it was your fault. I don’t think you even realised what I was doing. I don’t think you wanted it like that but I was like that for years and you never did anything about it.

I still remember the day, when for the first time I enjoyed just being on my own and laughing out loud. And I also remember the wave of guilt that came over me in the next few seconds. I ran home and sat next you crying for hours, feeling like I have committed a crime. That incident made sure I remain in my shell for many more years to come.

It took me years to realise that it is okay to be just happy, for no reason, just because you don’t want to be unhappy. I still remember when it happened. It just happened. I was just too happy and my heart refused to be sad. The laughter started from somewhere deep in my gut. I could feel it rising and travelling through my veins, bursting through my pores, reaching my heart and finally releasing me from my prison of thoughts.

I never went back to my old self. It took me years but I gradually found my own path, which of course was inter connected with yours but it was not the same. It was my path. It was my story. It was my life.

It was liberating, to just live. I didn’t know life like this earlier. May be that’s why I live each and every second of my life now. I have so much to do, so many years to make up to, so many emotions still to feel and live. Every second matters. I laugh and cry like there is no tomorrow. I am free, just like you are. You will always have me. But I will not live your life.


I am me, no more an apology of you, just me and being me is great!

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I am participating in the 30 Days Letter Challenge where you write one letter each day. The 3rd in the list is a letter to ‘Your Parents’